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2004-03-30 - 1:49 a.m. Looking back on my entries I realised that I havent discussed and educated about a personal favourite topic of mine. You’ve guessed it: MASTURBATION The most important part to masturbation is the lubricant you use. DON’T BE A DRY WANKER! ITS NOT BIG AND ITS NOT CLEVER, plus its not as satisfying. Here is a run through of the various lubricants that I can personally recommend or suggest strongly against. -------------------------------------------------------- Lubricant name: Aussie Shampoo Rating out of ten: 8 Pros: stays just below body temperature to give a beautiful chilling effect Cons: must only be used in shower or bath conditions otherwise may induce scrot and shaft rot. Comments: The best among all shampoos (although head and shoulders comes in at a close second). I remember once I got bored at a swimming pool so I went to the toilet with my swim bag and had some Aussie with me. Anyway after I’d slain all my first born I cleaned up and jumped in the swimming pool. This was probably a mistake because the minute I hit the water bubbles started forming around me and stayed with me as I tried to get out of the pool. Funny fact: Aussie + swim shorts = see through swim shorts. I wouldn’t of minded but id just finished so it was all shrivelled up. Sleeping. Hibernating. Waiting for its next meal. It wasn’t a fair representation dammit. Oh well. -------------------------------------------------------- Lubricant name: Tipp-Ex / Correcting Fluid Rating out of ten: 3 Pros: Before the blinding and agonising pain that ensued I felt a slightly pleasant tingling sensation. Cons: I had a glow in the dark knob for three weeks Comments: never again. Some of it went into the eye. Im still trying to repress the memory. -------------------------------------------------------- Lubricant name: Toothpaste Rating out of ten: 4 Pros: when used in small doses it can be very fun and tingly Cons: bad viscosity Comments: I got this one out of FHM. They didn’t specify how much to use though so I used about half a tube. Ow. Smelt great though. -------------------------------------------------------- Lubricant name: banana skin Rating out of ten: 9 Pros: Your dick smells like roses for ages. Ok not roses. bananas Cons: little bits of rolled up banana skin get caught in your pubes Comments: make sure you have a free house for this one. -------------------------------------------------------- Lubricant name: Taramasolata Rating out of ten: 4 Pros: you can get the cat to lick it off after you realise how shit a lubricant it is. Cons: you’re rubbing something that smells like fish on your genitals. Comments: not a pleasant one this one. It was a shame. My cat wasn’t even hungry. -------------------------------------------------------- Lubricant name: Spit and/or Phlegm Rating out of ten: 10 Pros: brilliant for very drunken self-mutilation. Cons: must be applied regularly and it’s a pretty disgusting concept Comments: use phlegm wisely. It can be your victory but it can also be your downfall. -------------------------------------------------------- There you are. That’s my first instalment of HANDY HINTS. If anyone reading has any lubricant ideas or masturbation tips that they would like to share, feel free to send me an email at toiletnazi666@hotmail.com and ill be sure to spread your knowledge. Remember kids, KNOWLEDGE IS POWER.
taking some me time - 2005-11-11 This entry is dedicated to the memory of Busted... Gone but NOT FORGIVEN - 2005-01-19 Big brother is watching you.......undress - 2004-10-23 ba da ba ba ba... I'm loving it. (justin timberlake is a twat) - 2004-06-28 HANDY HINTS part I - 2004-03-30 Amount of people who've asked me for an ID
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And Now....The comic with sex appeal...
IT'S...............
BORE
CLOSED DUE TO RETARDATION ON THE PART OF BOTH CHARACTERS
� iamcobain 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006 USE AT YOUR OWN LAWSUIT
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